When Your Loved Ones Hurt– What Do You Do?

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When Your Loved Ones Hurt– What Do You Do?

My daughter had broken up with her boyfriend and was bawling. When I saw her swollen eyes, my heart broke as well. I said to myself, Why not try the NLP technique on her? If it failed, at least I had tried — and my reputation would be intact because no one would know.


My daughter had broken up with her boyfriend and was bawling.When I saw her swollen eyes, my heart broke as well.



After a brief prayer, I asked her, “Catherine, would you like to be relieved of this pain?” She looked at me with bewilderment and said, “Of course, Dad.”

“I just learned an NLP technique that will accelerate the healing of painful memories. There is nothing to lose. If it works, then you’ll feel better and have a better choice to overcome your hurt,” I said. (Hmmm, she will be my first patient.)

She must have been desperate enough because she agreed to the crazy ideas of her dad. I asked her to close her eyes so she could concentrate — and I could read my notes.

Honestly, I was doubtful it would work. And not knowing the steps by heart, I had to take my notes in my hand and I did the steps on her while reading my workbook.

After going through the process, I asked her, “How do you feel?” She said, “I still feel the same. It still hurts so much.”

My heart sank. Under my breath, I said, “I knew it. It doesn’t work.” I went back to my workbook. It said that if it doesn’t work the first time, I should do it again. So I asked my daughter to relax and try harder to follow the steps.

I did it a second time.

And this time, I noticed a change in her facial expression. I asked her again, “How are you?” and she said, “Wow, Dad, I truly feel relieved and not as sad anymore. Thank you!”

The following morning, she felt a lot better and was almost her bubbly, joyful self again. It really worked!


The next day, Catherine asked me to talk to her friend, Michelle, who had also broken off with her boyfriend. Michelle was still feeling terrible about her breakup even after many, many months.

Will this be my specialty? I wondered. Will I be a heartbreak doctor?

She told me, “Dad, if it worked for me then it should work for her too.”

“OK,” I said, wondering what I had gotten myself into.

She pulled me to her room and, to my surprise, her friend, Michelle was on Skype. (We were in Jakarta and her friend was in Manila.) I murmured to myself, “Gosh, only my second case and I have to do it online?”

But I really wanted to help. And since this was my daughter’s friend, I did what I could.

After chatting for a while, I proceeded with the session.

After a few minutes, I was amazed that I could see Michelle’s face change even just through Skype. After the session, Michelle said, “Wow, Uncle, I’ve never felt this much peace in the two years since our breakup.” I couldn’t believe it. My heart was leaping for joy just seeing what had happened right in front of me — to a person many miles away.


Wow, uncle, I’ve never felt this much peach in two years since our breakup.



I asked Catherine to keep checking up on Michelle. I was still skeptical and thought that the effect might wear off. But it didn’t. Michelle continued to be at peace. Days after, weeks after, months after. Just like Catherine had also gotten rid of her pain.

My success with Catherine and Michelle made me a believer and drove me to be bolder in doing the NLP techniques for other people who had painful memories.


“A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you.” (Ezekiel 36:26)

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Forgive them? No Way!


If you are ever to have a good time, you cannot plan your life to include nothing but good times.

Pleasure is like beauty; it is conditioned by contrast.

Fireworks would not delight us if they were set off against a background of fire, or in the blaze of the noonday sun: they need to stand out against the darkness. Contrast is needed to help us see each thing being visibly itself. – Archbishop Fulton Sheen, Way to Happiness


I was traveling to Melbourne to attend the graduation of my eldest son when a friend in Manila asked me for help.

“Jojo, please make time as you transit through Hong Kong to meet my friend and heal her. She has extreme trauma experiences,” she pleaded.

Sure, I said.


the pain is unbearable. Actually, I needed to inject myself with painkillers to numb the torment.


So I met Jennifer in Hong Kong, a young, petite nurse of 24. Sadness was written all over her face. I also noticed some scars that looked like burns or deep cuts on her arms. She limped slightly with her right leg and I wondered why it was so.

“It’s difficult for me to forgive my father and mother,” Jennifer began. “I tried but it seems there is no way I can forgive them. My wounds are too deep.

“At the age of seven or eight, my father would beat me up for any grade below A minus.” (I guessed rightly that the scars on her arms were from cigarette burns he had inflicted on her.)

“Sometimes he would ask me to clean my room with my tongue!” she continued. “He treated me like a dog. Why? I don’t really understand till this day.

“I ran away from home more than five times, but each time, my father would get me back somehow.”

I could see the pain in Jennifer’s eyes and I was getting mad at her father. Looking at Jennifer, I knew she was sincere and that her story was all true.

She went on. “My first boyfriend was my knight in shining armor since he rescued me from my father during one of his violent bouts. We were planning to get married but it didn’t work out. I’ll tell you why later.

“The worst time was when I was 16 years old. My father attempted to rape me but I managed to escape and run out of the house. I was lucky. I think the Lord gave me an opening. I ran, crying all the way to my friend’s house.break

“‘What happened to you?’ my friend asked, alarmed. I told her my father tried to rape me. My friend quickly reported the incident to the police and things went public. It was painful going to the courts to testify against my own father. Newspapers had a field day reporting his abuses.

“One time, when I was alone with my mom, she screamed at me. ‘You have betrayed our family! You have brought shame to us all.’ She drew close, then suddenly, wham! She kicked me hard on my right leg.

“Till this day, I suffer from a very painful nerve compression from that kick. I’ve had many surgeries but I’m still in constant pain.” (No wonder she had this slight limp, I thought to myself.)

“The courts placed me in the custody of a religious congregation of nuns. The trial was over in a year and my father was sent to jail for rehabilitation. I thought life would start to change for the better. But it didn’t.

“My boyfriend turned into a ‘black’ knight. He forced me to have sex with him but I refused. So he beat me up too! He even took whatever personal savings I had. I finally decided to break up with him. Oh God, I can’t live in this world anymore!

“Jojo, the pain is unbearable. Actually, I needed to inject myself with painkillers to numb the torment. I’ve been praying almost every day for years now to be healed from these painful memories.

“I know I must forgive my father and mother to be peaceful again. I tried, but deep inside, I just can’t!”

Can You Help?

I gazed at Jennifer with much empathy and told her, “God works in mysterious ways. He has allowed us to meet today. I’m only in transit to Melbourne with a few hours here in Hong Kong. I am sure He has a plan. I am sure He will heal you today of these memories.”


We prayed. Then I used the fading painful memories technique of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). We spent a total of three and a half hours because we had to process seven major traumatic experiences in her life one at a time. I was drained but fulfilled.

At the end of the session, Jennifer’s face transformed! She had a certain glow and I could see she was peaceful. It was nothing short of miraculous, considering the number of tormenting experiences she had.

But, what made me shed tears of joy was what she said before we parted.

“You know, Jojo, I had a great realization during the process. If I were to live my life again, I will live it exactly the same way!” she said.

If I were to live my life again, I will live it exactly the same way!” she said.


pagebreak“If I were to live my life again, I will live it exactly the same way!” she said.


What? I was surprised. “After all that pain — both psychological and physical — you’d still want to live your life the same way? Why?” I asked.

“I realize now that I would not be as patient and able to empathize with the patients in the hospital if I hadn’t experienced what I had. Through my wounds, I can heal others who have lesser wounds!”

I rode the plane to Melbourne that night praising and thanking God for this great healing.

Today, Jennifer continues to be joyful and at peace. My friend, who connected her to me, said her Facebook account messages suddenly shifted from being pessimistic to optimistic and peaceful. Jennifer said she has truly forgiven her parents and just looks upon them with compassion now.

Wow, I reflected. If this (NLP)  stuff works for traumas like Jennifer’s, then it will work for all other painful memories and traumas. I asked God to help me touch more lives.


Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander be put away from you. (Ephesians 4:31)


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